


Unfair Advantages of the Female Anatomy

by newgirl78



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:45:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newgirl78/pseuds/newgirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you eating potato chips during a workout?" Nick discovers that the diameter of the Pringles canister may just be an evil ploy used by women to get exactly what they want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfair Advantages of the Female Anatomy

Jess sat propped up at the end of the couch with a stack of essays to grade on her lap. Facing the door to the loft, she watched in confusion as Nick set up a series of "stations" for what appeared to be one of Coach's new workouts. Intrigued, she ran the cap to her red pen along her lips and squinted her eyes at her very flustered boyfriend. Facing the hallway, Nick started the workout by attempting several squats while raising Coach's ten pound weights out to the side in each hand.

Jess took a deep breath and returned her gaze to the paper in her lap, words swirling around in her head as she listened to Nick grunt and moan in front of her. She pressed her forefingers against her ears and stared intently at the paper, trying to concentrate. She got about 2/3 of the way through the essay when she couldn't resist glancing up again. This time, she was met with Nick pushing the sleeve of his green t-shirt up to his shoulder and twisting his forearm back and forth in order to make his bicep flex. Inhaling a sharp breath, she cleared her throat.

"Nick, what are you doing?"

Locking eyes with hers, he smiled. "Just checkin' my progress."

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "You've been over there for exactly two minutes."

Wiggling his eyebrows, he pulled one arm in front of his chest to stretch. "I know, I'm already seeing results!"

Jess rolled her eyes, blowing her bangs out of her eyes before going back to the paper she was grading. She was distracted a few moments later by a crunching sound. Lifting her chin, she sat up straighter and craned her head to see what Nick was doing.

"What are you doing now?"

Turning around to face her again, he placed a red can of Pringles on the table behind the couch and brushed his hands on his shorts. "What?"

"Are you eating potato chips  _during_  a workout?"

"It's for the salt." Letting out a small grunt, he picked up one of Coach's weights again and started a bicep curl. In between reps, he continued. "This is hard work Jess, I need the electrolytes."

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's how it works." Trying not to crack a smile, she watched him bend over to put the weight back on the floor. Slipping his hand back into the can, he smiled as he chomped down on yet another chip.

Jess crossed her arms over her chest, smirking. "Sweat a lot during those two reps there, Miller?"

"Hey, this is harder than it looks."

"Mmmhmm..."

Fascinated by the show playing out in front of her, Jess continued to watch Nick "exercise". After a few moderately strenuous movements, Nick would stop what he was doing, eat a Pringle, and then move on to something else. What was most amusing to Jess, was that each time he reached into the can, he seemed to get more and more flustered by how low the pile of chips was getting inside the canister. She silently started to laugh every time she anticipated the next potato chip break.

"Problems?"

Sticking out his tongue, his face contorted as he once again strained his fingers to reach a chip. "These cans suck."

"You know, you can just tip it over onto a plate or something."

Nick glanced at her as if she had just offended his entire existence. "If I wanted to just pour them out Jessica, I wouldn't have paid extra for the neatly stacked can."

Pushing her papers into a pile, she placed her work on the couch in front of her. "It was like 25 cents more."

"Exactly!"

Jess leaned over on her knees, watching Nick gently jiggle the can so the chips would slide out. "They're never going to come out like that..."

"God damnit!" Frustrated, he jammed his fist into the can, straining his fingers again in an attempt to reach the chips. "This is all a ploy you know. They think I'm just going to give up and open a new one. Well, they're WRONG." Sitting out his tongue in deep concentration, he raised his elbow to slowly tilt it toward the hand wedged inside. He momentarily glanced up at Jess, before putting his focus back on the canister.

Slowly, Jess stood up off couch and walked toward Nick. When she reached him, she could only shake her head as she wrapped her fingers around the red can. Nick just shrugged and pulled his hand out, wincing as the rough, paper lip scraped across the skin on the top of his hand. Jess just smiled and pulled it to her chest, glancing inside and shrugging. Casually, she reached in to grab a chip, brought it to her mouth and smiled as she bit into it happily.

"Good chips." She smiled smugly.

"Show off."

Licking her lips, she smirked at him and chewed the rest of it. "Still think it's a conspiracy?"

"When only  _you_  can fit your hand in there? Absolutely!"

She winked and smiled deviously, enjoying his increasing annoyance over something as ridiculous as a canister of potato chips. "You seem a little worked up about this Miller."

He watched her eyes, momentarily darting his gaze down to her lips. His voice got lower and he cleared his throat. "I really wanted to get in a good workout."

"Oh." She nodded her head slowly. "Is that so? Hmph."

Raising her eyes to his and not breaking eye contact, she slowly slid her hand deep into the can and pulled out several chips at once. She brought them up to her face and tilted her head to study them. She couldn't help but smirk seeing Nick swallow hard, his breathing now ragged.

She moved the chips in front of his face coyly and bit her lip to fight back the huge, satisfied grin ready to spread across her lips. "I can think of another way to get a good workout, if you're interested."

Poking the chip against his lips, he opened his mouth to take a bite. Jess watched intently as he chewed, before she ate the remainder of what was left in her hand. Pulling her fingers towards her mouth she stared directly into Nick's eyes. She started to methodically lick the salt off her fingers. As she pressed her lips together and smiled back up him, their color had gone from a soft pink to a bright red, causing Nick's heart to race and his shorts to become increasingly uncomfortable.

"What do you say you show me some of those reps of yours somewhere else."

Nick's chest rose sharply and he wiped the back of his hand across his forehead, his hair now messy and damp. He let out a nervous laugh and narrowed his eyes deviously. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

Jess turned around and placed the can on the table behind her and stepped closer to Nick, feeling his breath hot on her face. Placing a hand on either arm, she slowly ran her fingers up his tanned arms and just under the hem of the sleeves on his green t-shirt. Scraping her nails along his skin on the way back down, she glanced up at him and shrugged casually.

"Well," Reaching his fingertips, she pulled his hand toward her mouth and looked straight into his glaring brown eyes. "Maybe I could just get you started."

Jess pressed a kiss to the tip of his index finger, before wrapping her red lips around it and slowly sucked his finger into her mouth. Nick began to breath heavily, a moan escaping his lips as she continued to suck on his finger with wide eyes staring up at him. Laughing gently, she dropped his hand and guided it around her back to the zipper of her skirt.

"I'm not sure if I'm dressed properly though. Maybe you could help with that?" She smiled and raised her eyebrows, knowing she had just pushed him over the edge.

Unable to resist any longer, Jess let out an excited yelp when Nick leaned over and forcefully pressed his lips to her collarbone. As his mouth aggressively nipped at her neck, his fingers began to fumble with her skirt.

Moaning into the kisses and throwing back her head to give him better access, she tugged at the hem of his shirt. When Nick dropped to the floor to pull her skirt, tights, and panties down in one motion, he paused just long enough to lift his arms as Jess yanked his shirt off and dropped it on the floor at their feet. Settling on his knees, his large hands wrapped around her thighs, spreading them to slip two fingers inside her.

"Oh God." Jess stumbled backwards as his finger began swirling inside her. Stopping at the couch, her back slid over and around the end, falling onto the cushion with Nick crawling on the ground in front of her, still pushing his fingers deeper. She tugged roughly at his head, pulling at his shoulders until his lips found hers. Their tongues fought their way into each other's mouth with sloppy inaccuracy.

He groaned. "You taste so good."

Breaking their kiss, Jess collapsed her head back on the couch in laughter and licked her lips as his free hand made it's way under her sweater. Spreading her legs wider, she grabbed his head once again and pushed it downward, his fingers finding the nipple of her breast and rolling it between his fingers. God, she loved the sensation of his calloused fingers over her sensitive skin. Trailing his lips towards her thigh, she continued to push at his head while he took his time to leave a trail of hot kisses over her hipbone.

"God Miller, just do it."

Lifting his head, he studied her face as he slowly removed both fingers and created a dizzying friction against her clit with his thumb. She raised her head, her blue eyes swirling with desire.

"Fuck Miller, don't stop."

Pressing her bundle of nerves again, he pushed his fingers deeply inside of her as his head dove between her legs to flick his tongue against her wet folds. She started to writhe and squirm under him, tugging at his hair and pushing his face into her even further. His laughter reverberated against her wetness and she screamed out in ecstasy.

"Fuck. You are so good at this."

Squeezing the underside of her breast firmly in one hand, and working his fingers in and out of her at a quickening pace with the other, he finally felt her begin to clench around him as a warm stream of fluid washed over his fingers. Her moans were louder and louder and his own desire was impossible to resist any longer. Standing up, he quickly pushed down his shorts while still working his fingers inside her, and positioned himself over her as she let out a deep-throated groan. Feeling her muscles clenching harder, he pulled his fingers out and in one motion, managed to grab his erection and guide it inside her. Her eyes flew open with a surprised gasp as his face was now inches from hers.

She grabbed his shoulders and lifted herself up just enough to wrap her legs around his waist. The altered angle allowed him to pump into her even deeper and her eyes rolled back in her head as she continued to ride out the orgasm. She groaned as he pushed his entire length into her and paused to pulse at her deepest point.

"Holy shit you're amazing."

Turned on by her swearing and the amazing friction of slamming into her so deeply, it only took a few thrusts for him to feel the familiar warmth spread across his abdomen and he shuddered as his hips bucked, coming forcefully inside her. Pumping in and out as he finished, he groaned loudly at the intensity of the release. He sighed and opened his eyes, Jess' face still scrunched in ecstasy. As he watched her expression, he started to smile when her eyes flew open.

She was gasping for air, grabbing his hand and pushing it towards their unbroken connection. "Still...going."

Stunned, he pulled out quickly and started to rub her once again with his fingertips. She continued to buck, fluids dripping out of her and his fingers sliding around and making it difficult to find their target. Finally the twitching subsided and Jess' body relaxed underneath him. When her entire body when limp, her chest was rising and falling with incredible force while she tried to catch her breath. Heart pounding in her ears, she flopped her head to the side and struggled to open her eyes in exhaustion.

"Damn...that was... incredible." Her eyes fluttered open for just a split second, long enough to see the huge grin across Nick's face, before falling shut again. "God Miller, I'm officially broken."

Running his moist fingers back and forth across her abdomen, he took a deep breath and laughed in awe. "I've never felt you come like that before, what the hell just happened?!"

"I don't know." Moaning, she moved her head from side to side, eyes still closed. "I don't know. You need to write a book." Her voice mumbled on, almost incoherently as she came down off her high. "No, no. Don't write a book. No one can handle this. It's too much."

Laughing, he slid his body up the inside of the couch and squeezed in next to her. He placed a soft, slow kiss on her forehead. "There was no way I was lasting with you that wet."

Rolling her head to the side, she smiled at him with lazy eyelids, her fingers playing with the hair on his chest. Taking a few deep breaths, she smiled. "Don't worry about it, you...You were amazing.  _This_...is amazing."

Nick kissed her lips as he kneaded his thumb over the perfectly creamy skin of her shoulder. Moving his hand to her face, he gently pushed several wet curls off her cheek, making room for his lips to leave a soft kiss in their place. "That felt um, ...DAMN."

Laughing in between her deep breaths, she lifted up on her elbows and scooted backwards to sit up. She leaned against the back of the couch, exhausted. Nick sat up beside her and lifted his hand above her head to reach behind her and grab the can of Pringles still sitting on the table. Following his action with her eyes as his hand came over her head, Jess let out a throaty laugh.

"Hey, hand me those Pringles." She winked emphatically. "I think I need to replace my electrolytes."

Passing the can to her, he laughed. "Yeah, ya do!"

Reaching her hand inside, she pulled out the last stack and handed the empty canister back to him. Shifting to lean over and look inside, Nick frowned. "Hey, you can't eat them all!"

Waving the stack in front of his face, she scrunched up her nose and shoved the end of the stack in her mouth. Crumbs fell everywhere as she spoke with her mouth full. "This can size is genius!"

"HEY!" He dove forward and grabbed for the chips in her hand, just as she twisted away from him. "Give me my chips, woman!"

Jess just laughed, switching them into her other hand and holding the chips away from them. Nick couldn't stop laughing as he grabbed her hand and pulled it towards him, snapping his mouth open and closed, trying to catch the chip stack as she teased him.

Jess giggled, now out of breath. "Maybe the CEO  _is_  a tiny little woman."

Finally catching her hand, he took a huge bite into his mouth and started to chew. "I told you it was all an evil plot!"

Shoving the last portion of the chips she was holding into her mouth, she wiggled her eyebrows and slapped her hands together to remove the last of the crumbs. "I'll have to find them on Facebook and thank them for driving my boyfriend so crazy he gave me like, the longest orgasm ever."

Nick choked on the last of the chips still in his mouth, before he could swallow and pressed his salty lips to hers. Leaning back, he erupted in laughter. "Yeah, definitely designed by a woman."


End file.
